Lucrezia Magazine

Some women are fantastic with blenders, knitting needles and recipe books. I'm great with one night stands. I believe I have it all down-pat. Nothing fazes me, and while many may frown upon the sinful deed that involves few commitments, other than sexy lingerie or going commando, I feel that more should be done to encourage sex positivity in this area.

This casual confidence didn't evolve overnight. I, like many, have trudged through the swamp of sexual morals, enduring more 'but what about the future?' questions from my female buddies. Will I ever see him again, and what about me?

What about me? I enjoyed it, and expected nothing more than a temporary tussle in the hay – that boosted my endorphins. Things do happen, and whether we like it or not, casual sex often happens when least expected and if it is planned, it isn't a social catastrophe. I have next to not time to nurture new relationships when I'm between a rock and a deadline. Many struggle to maintain relationships during seventy hour weeks. Should we all be wearing chastity belts?

May, a good friend of mine, holds a similar view.

"Each time I'm asked about my romantic life, I say that I'm seeing a few people and I leave it at that." May's view is that people will immediately assume she is dating, and keeping her options open. "If I'm honest, tell them that I have casual sex, they'll ostracize me."

Negotiating sexual autonomy and independence can be a sticky feat. Pretense can be a regular role that is played out, or arrives during social gatherings. It isn't easy to respond with, "I'm trying to make up my mind for tonight: Tony, Michael or Bill the hot babe?" One night stands can be positive. They can provide the ideal opportunity for you to try out a new sex technique. If you make an error, or like me, squeeze a littler harder trying The Squeeze Technique, it isn't the be all and end all.

How to have a guilt-free casual encounter?

Timing

Timing, as it has been said (to the point of nausea), is everything and with one night stands, the ideal time is the time you don't feel vulnerable. Immediate flings following relationships break ups aren't ideal, often leaving room for nostalgia followed by The Morning Blues. Casual sex doesn't generate immediate confidence for the confidence challenged.

Burp and Tipple
A little tipple can go a long way. Get it right, and you can be happily ensconced with warm feelings and amorous thoughts, being completely legless is unforgivable. Take it from someone who has been there. Alcohol isn't an aphrodisiac. Excessive quantities of alcohol are related to limp dicks, dick blackouts and delayed orgasms (that may never come to fruition). Alcohol isn't known for sharpening decisions. Hands up if you've awoken the morning after and turned over to see the wonderful person from the night before, to get the fright of your life?

Safe Sex
This speaks for itself but condoms and lubricant are no longer 'items we shall not speak of by name,' they are mandatory accessories. They are about as routine as dental floss and there is no reason why you should leave home without them.

The Safety Hatch

Repeat after me: I thou shalt not expect nor demand a telephone number, or offer my contact details. Attachment can occur, and it can spell doom. Forget about the soppy romantic articles. As my friend May says, "whoever met their soulmate after a one night stand? What are the chances? Talk about setting yourself up for agony."

The Breakfast Dilemma

I have often endured the rudeness of a casual partner expecting room service after a random night of fun. The trick is to state your expectations beforehand, and if that means they are to vacate your residence before morning, then so be it.

What Walk of Shame?

This little social trinket is annoying. Why are women forever associated with the "walk of shame?" The common quote associates shame and sex. How dare you have a hot night with a stranger or buddy? Moreover, how dare you inflict the general public with last night's ensemble? It's so old fashioned, it's absurd but there are ways to face the world looking fresher than ever and that boils down to the size of your purse. Tiny designer numbers aren't silly, they're useless. If you're planning a night of sexy fun, don't take a purse that barely fits your box of tampons, take a medium to large sized hobo. This way you will be able to fit a bottle of Evian spray (for a refreshing spritz), tube of pH balance vagina cleanser, extra pair of panties, GHD hair iron, sunglasses and lipstick. My favorite post one night stand look can be summed up by two things: black sunglasses and lipstick. It works for me. This way, the eye of a passerby will be immediately drawn to the lipstick and celeb sunglasses look, instead of last night's (slightly creased) ensemble.You have to find a look that works for you.

© 2008 Zingy Galore

Zingy Galore is a freelance writer with a MFA in sex and attitude. She can also be found trying her hand at blogging on Conversations with Bod. She can be found dabbling in mystery, humor and literary short stories - with a tamer name.