Lucrezia Magazine

Who’d have guessed the man with more quirks than an obsessive-compulsive pigeon trainer would turn out to be the world’s all-time greatest cunnilinguist?

Yes, the Best Head Ever Award goes to my new lover, the sweet transvestite. It actually makes a lot of sense that a man so in touch with his “feminine side,” as he calls it, would be so kick-ass at giving head. If a woman knows what a woman wants, a cross-dresser’s well on his way.

The last time he was at my place, we made out for an hour and a half. Lying on top of me on top of my couch, he whispered in my ear, “The next time I come over I want to feel your naked flesh against my naked flesh.”

Oh baby! The man always knows just what to say. So, he arrived at my door today dressed in a shirt embroidered with roses, which made me laugh because I feel SO butch when he wears his girly clothes.

“What do you like, sexually?” he asked me. “And you can’t say everything.”

“Dammit! That’s exactly what I was going to say.”

“Nope, that’s not a real answer. A real answer would be, for example, I like oral sex but I don’t like bondage.”

I didn’t think I’d ever live down the claim that I wasn’t big on getting head, but strangely he said the same thing. We both like giving better than getting. Perfect, I’m thinking, we both love doing what the other doesn’t want! With a sneaking suspicion, though, that if he enjoys performing oral sex he might actually be kind of good at it, I figured I’d let him have his cunnilingual way with me. Boy, am I glad I did! After the out-of-this-world lip service I got today, to hell with the giving -- I’m all about getting!

He started off kissing my lips, my breasts, working his way down my stomach – nothing out of the ordinary – but when he arrived at my pussy things got wild! That man narrowed in on my clit like a stealth bomber. I don’t know how, but his tongue pulsed in such fast flitting motions that he was, in all seriousness, better than my favourite vibrator. I need to know how he was doing that! How can a man vibrate?!?

Oh my God, I have never come so hard in my life! I’m surprised my neighbours didn’t complain. I’m talking a wild, mind-blowing, screaming orgasm -- to the point where he actually threw a pillow at my head to stifle my shrieks of delight. To the point where it was just way too much pleasure and I had to push his face away with my feet.

Of course, I’m doing the whole, “What do you want?” thing, like we’re talking about repaying a student loan. Nope, no repayment required. Do you want to know what he did next? He wrapped me in his arms because he figured I would be exhausted after such an intense orgasm. He was right! So we cuddled and kissed and talked and all that good stuff until he was ready for more. What came next? I did. He went down on me again!

Just when I was completely convinced there were no good men out there, he came along to salvage the reputation of his entire gender. Oh baby, the good ones are out there all right, they’re just dressed as women.

© 2008 Giselle Renarde

The blog excerpt above appears in Giselle Renarde's blog Donuts and Desires.

Canadian eroticist, environmentalist and pastry-enthusiast Giselle Renarde is author of The Birthday Gift (Dark Eden Press), short story contributor to the upcoming Mammoth Book of Erotic Confessions (Constable & Robinson), Love Bites (Torquere Press), Coming Together: With Pride, Coming Together: Out Loud (Phaze) and poetry/erotica contributor to The Longest Kiss: Women Write on Oral Sex (Mojocastle Press). Online, Giselle has contributed erotic content to such websites as For The Girls and Hips and Curves. Ms Renarde lives across from a park with two bilingual cats who sleep on her head.